Turning three isn’t what it used to be…

Right now, it is summer break for my three year old son – no preschool mornings, twice a week, to give my wife a break. If all goes well (i.e. if we manage to get him potty-trained by September), he will go back to school in the Fall.

When he started school last September, his social life really started to take off. His calendar began to look like that of a presidential candidate, with appearances somewhere else every morning. Preschool. Music classes. Playgroups. My wife morphed from a stay-at-home mom into chauffeur-around mom, busy with shuttling the offspring to carefully scheduled gatherings of the toddler set.

Hand in hand with this development comes the addition of new friends. Basically overnight, at least 9 more kids (his preschool buddies-to-be) turn into instant future birthday party guests. Birthday parties in the digital age are very different from the birthday parties I attended in the late 60s and early 70s. The invitation arrives via email as an “evite” with cute graphics and instant RSVP options. And this is only the beginning. Around the third birthday, the pressure starts to build. What to do? Spring $250 to rent the jumpy place (bring your own pizza, cake, napkins, cups and drinks)? A clown, a pony? How about Build-A-Bear, at $25 a guest, unless you want the bear to go naked? And the goodie bags! When did that start? Granted, I am ancient, but I do not remember a single birthday party I attended in any way other than I had fun. We would go to the friend's house, have cake and soda, play games where you could win small prizes and go home after two hours or so. That's it. No princess/pirates themes, no pressure. There is even a website that deals with out-of-control birthday parties - www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org.

While we managed to celebrate our son's birthday with pizza and cake at a park, he has attended three or four parties organized at jumpy places or gymnastics facilities, where the staff will even take notes during the unwrapping of the presents so that the birthday kid has an easier time with the now mandatory thank you notes. God forbid you forget to send out a thank you note…

Most of the time, I end up being the party escort to give my wife a break on Saturdays when these events are usually scheduled. So look for me there, trying to keep my son from tumbling off the balance beam, making small talk with other dads and secretly wishing I was home taking a nap.

The newspaper stopped

No Sunday paper today. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Hmmmphhh.........

The newspaper keeps coming

I looked out the front window and sure enough, a newspaper got delivered. It's been at least 8 months since our subscription officially ran out, and initially our paper kept being delivered each day up until the end of May, but for the past 4 weeks (except for one Sunday) we've regularly gotten the Saturday and Sunday papers. I'm happy to get the paper, and if paper delivery does stop completely, we'll sign up for weekend delivery. I'm sure that my household's story of renewing only when it's absolutely necessary and seeing if the paper will arrive tomorrow is happening to others as well. For now, I'll just let it run its course, but I wonder how long the newspaper can keep this up. The newspaper must be hurting badly if it continues to deliver, and they must be hoping that we'll eventually renew.

Mom's night out... (Dad's logistical nightmare...)

Tonight my wife, Sabine, had her first night off with some of her girlfriends in over 6 months without any children (a 3 year and 5 month old). I'm happy for her, although I was kind of fearing what my evening would be like. I was sort of quiet and to myself when she left, but I suppose I was just mentally preparing my strategy for evening (when one is crying, and I have to feed the other dinner, which one do I tend to first?).

The evening went smoother than I had expected, and I was even able to go outside with both of them tonight for about a 1/2 hour. My daughter was attached to me in the Baby Bjorn, and my son "mowed the lawn" a few dozen times with his toy mower while I watched. Later, I got my son to bed on time, and my daughter finally went down around 10pm tonight, after her bottle and countless times of walking around the living room with her in my arms to get her to sleep.

I think what tonight made me realize is: how do single parents handle kids day in and day out without going absolutely crazy?!? I know that my wife has enough to deal with during the day when I'm at work and is exhausted when I get home, but at least I come home, and we can then share the burden of looking after both of the kids. O.k., tonight was only 5 hours out of my busy life (there are dishes to wash, things to catch up on, and I've got a class paper to write for school tomorrow!), but the 5 hours without my wife around helping, made me wonder how any single parent manages it alone with kids.

Where's this generation's "Dead Kennedys" band?

My wife and I got our son to sleep at 9:15 tonight, I emptied the diswasher, and went for a 1/2 hour power-walk through the neighborhood to unwind from the day. I had my iPod in hand, put it into "shuffle" mode, and the first song that popped up in the line-up was the Dead Kennedys' punk gem, "Too Drunk To F***". The Dead Kennedys and the song I just mentioned aren't what you think - a tasteless, crass band, with lewd and mindless lyrics - they were an innovative Punk band of the late 70's and 80's that sang songs filled with social commentary. I interpret "Too Drunk to F***" to be their parody of "good 'ol boys" or delinquents who have to be plastered to have a good time. The DK's most notable song from the era was (my favorite!) "We've Got A Bigger Problem Now", which was a commentary on the politics and scandals of what now seems to have been a sane choice for president, Ronald Reagan.

The reason I write about the DK's is that I realized that on this evening in West Georgia, I was pumping myself up with the song as I walked through my suburban Atlanta neighborhood. The DK's were about questioning politics, power structures, and the social ills of society. I'm a middle-aged guy with a family and a mortgage, who still grooves to songs of protest from another era.

As I listened to the DK's while on my walk, I wondered, "Which bands are the voices of protest now?" I couldn't really name any off the top of my head. It might have been good to have had a band like the DK's to listen to over the past 8 years...

Bouncing off the walls (the ceilings, the floors...)

When the weekend rolls around, the inevitable question with kids comes up, "What are we going to do today?" Today, Saturday, is an overcast and somewhat rainy day, so the question of what to do becomes severely acute, since the options of what to do decreases. We could go to the mall, or to a kid friendly museum and walk around for a few hours, but these are options which seem to be more interesting to adults. There is an option that is more kid friendly and what I like to call a phenomenon, because of how these places have sprung up nearly everywhere: indoor jump zones (see links below).

Indoor jump zones are big halls filled with inflatable jump houses, obstacle courses, and giant slides that serve as areas where frazzled parents and their hyper kids can go to when going outside and playing in a playground becomes prohibitive. Going to one of these jumpy places is kind of like a "reverse insane asylum", where kids can wear themselves out and really bounce off the walls, while parents can sit on comfy couches and talk with other parents, surf the Internet with their laptops via free Wi-Fi access, or jump with their kids to wear off some energy.

In my area outside of Atlanta, it seems like jumps zones have sprung up everywhere like wild mushrooms, and I guess that says a lot about demand for this kind of activity. During the summer, with kids out of school, these jump zones have really become a destination for parents trying to find ways to keep their kids busy.

It must really be a sign of the times we live in that we'd have to go somewhere to jump around and have fun, but the lure of these places is that they cater both to the parents and their children. My kids are still a ways away from being outside by themselves and playing, so indoor jump zones are a really great way to blow off some steam, escape the house from ensuing cabin fever, and help frazzled parents answer the "What are we going to do today?" question.

Some "indoor jumpy zones" in metro Atlanta:

Kangazoom

Pump It Up

Gorga Monkeys

Jump 4 Joeys

Monkey Joe's

“Hey, can you help me with … (insert description of computer problem here)”

I regularly get asked technical questions, usually computer related, whether amongst friends or by my family. I’ve become the “go-to-guy” when it comes to answering things about hard drives, how much RAM a computer should have, or if a particular brand of video camera is a good buy. I don’t mind the questions so much, but what does annoy me (slightly) is the time that answering such questions takes. Every time I think there’s a short answer to something, explaining the gizmo, what kind of alternatives there are to the gizmo, and how the gizmo works, the better part of an hour usually passes. After an exhausting day at work or a busy weekend day with the kids, sometimes the last thing I want to do is be the guy answering the “tech hot line”.

My dad in particular takes up a lot of my time in answering computer questions, but I realize that his is a generation where computers haven’t really been part of daily life. On the other hand, my two young children will not know a world without computers and modern technology, and I guess it’s fair to say, they’ll know this stuff like riding a bicycle.

I guess being the tech go-to-guy amongst friends and family should be cherished, with the realization that if I ever become unemployed, I’d at least have something to fall back on. Although I may come home tired and or I’m busy with my kids when I’m home, I’m usually more than happy to help my friends and family out with their problems. I know that my wife isn’t too happy with me manning the computer hot line, but the inner geek in me sometimes can’t resist.

Everyday is "Father's Day"

Yesterday was Father's Day, the day that dads are supposedly allowed a day of rest, are given an obligatory necktie present or bottle of "Old Spice" aftershave, and are given free reign over the TV remote to watch whatever their heart pleases. Yeah, right....

First of all, I personally don't put much weight in "celebrating" Father's Day, since everyday around the family and kids is a "Father's Day". Sure, it's nice to have the acknowledgment of my family that day, but why even bother celebrating one day, when being around the wife and kids, and helping out should be the true meaning of what it means for it to be Father's Day? Working dads may have it tough, what with work during the week, and it's understandable that dad wants some quiet time to himself, but the heavy-lifting that's carried out at home is really the honor that needs bestowing on the wives and partners who look after the kids. I'm o.k. with celebrating Mother's Day and giving mom and the wife the praise they deserve for making it all work.

This past weekend was pretty tough for my wife and I in trying to deal with an attention-starved 3 year old boy, who thinks we give too much of our attention to our 5 month old daughter. I realize that being home in the evenings and on the weekend is a relief to my wife who needs a break from a constantly dependent baby girl and an over-hyper son who jumps all over us for our time every waking moment. The way I see it, "Father's Day" - being there when I can for the family, allowing my wife rest when I'm home, and playing with the kids - is everyday.

Tony W.

...Oh brother, they named their kid what?!?-Part I

As a parent, I have a pet peeve with kids' names. I'd say that when it comes to names, I'm a bit of a traditionalist.

The other day at the park, I heard a mom call out to her kid whose name happened to be "Wrigley". Wrigley?? Can you imagine, "Come here 'chewing gum', come here!" What kind of name is that? I know that I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for this, but I have a pent-up frustration with the names I hear when I'm out and about. I think to myself, "What poor kids!"

I've found a few sites that already do the work of humorously examining and critiquing bad names.

"The Bad Baby Names Blog"

"Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing"

I suppose my awareness of bad kids names became heightened when I lived in Germany, where it's against the law to name your kid whatever you want. If the name you choose isn't on a list of nationally recognized names, then you don't get to name your child that name. Sweden also had similar restrictions in place, but a court struck down the law prohibiting parents from naming kids "Lego", "Metallica", and "Ikea". "Elvis" was on the list too, but this one is o.k. I guess (click here for the article).

One of my wife's aunts once said, "Every parent has the right to mess up their kids however they want"; while each parent does their best at raising their own kids, with the usual struggles and milestones that make parents proud, naming your kid is for life, and I think parents really need to think this one through.

Go outside and play!

The following video clip is a cautionary tale about watching too much user-generated video content on the Internet with a child.

(*** WARNING - there's one humorous clip which I've removed profanity from; don't worry, it's harmless to watch, and my son never saw the clip beyond the first few seconds ***)

Links to video clips used:

Monster Truck Madness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XRntxoykZM

Mah Na Mah Na:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwSFSkJvwZ4

R-Rated Bert and Ernie (excerpt from the movie "Casino", feat. Joe Pesci & Robert DeNiro):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NShgvtEro7I

Parenting in the 21st Century...

Welcome to my first blog entry; I hope to use this space to comment and post observations about what it's like to be a parent in the 21st Century. I'm a product of last century parenting, and saying "last century" is appropriate I think, because come to think of it, however our parent(s) raised us, that time was "Leave It To Beaver", compared to today's "Matrix"-like world. Things are really much more complicated nowadays, compared to the pace of growing up 30 years ago. I guess it's always relative though, with every generation commenting on how things were "back then".

Anyway, with that said, I hope to highlight issues that new parents face and share my observations of the busy life of a parent at the beginning of the 21st century.

-Tony